Hello my name is Shelby and I have PCOS and Insulin resistance. Sounds like I belong in as 12 step group, doesn't it? Well, if you have either of these diseases, syndromes, conditions...whatever you want to call them, you know they they are as imprisoning and as misunderstood as alchoholism once was.
It's not something I created - I was born this way. From as long back as I can remember, I've had symptoms, even as a child of insulin resistance. As I got older, I realized something wasn't quite right. It bothered me after an enormous Italian pasta meal, or Thanksgiving dinner, that I would be starving less than an hour later. And from my very first period, I was irregular and a mess. I can remember years later being in college and being amazed that most women had regular cycles...they actually *KNEW* when their next period would start. I was blown away.
Fast forward to my 30's. I'm engaged to the man of my dreams who doesn't care that I can't have biological children, and still trying to nail down my health problems. I battle with occassional depression, weight issues, getting constant colds or respiratory infections and as always, an irregular cycle. My GP tells me that all my bloodwork/hormones are within the normal range. She doesn't know what to tell me other than to lose 50 pounds (as if I could just do that) and possibly consider "talking to someone about what you're supposedly feeling."
I turn to my GYN who finally refers me to an endocrinologist as she suspects an endocrine problem. Bingo! While there is no cure, I finally have a real name and diagnosis to this thing that has plagued me for years... I have PCOS and insulin resistance. Huh? But my bloodowrk was normal! Here's the thing, while "normal" and "in range", as my GP said, she didn't look at the ratios of the levels to each other. They were all flip flopped.
OK, so I say to my endo - How do we fix this? The answer is not what I wanted to hear.... Diabetes drugs. I get put on Metformin (also known as glucophage) for the rest of my life, with bloodwork to watch for the diabetes that will eventually turn into (I do in fact get gestational diabetes with not only my two bio boys, but even with this last non-viable pregnancy). I am also advised this will happen quicker if I gain excess amounts of weight. Of course there is no advice on how to lose any weight. For me to lose weight, I have to cut calories to about 1200 per day, and exercise like a fiend. I find I an only keep this up for so long before I totally lose it and eat the entire contents of my fridge in one sitting.
As a side note, it's worth mention that while going on Met alone did not cause weight gain, it does allow me to lose it a little easier... I can have almost 1500 calories a day and still lose about a pound a week if I stay with it. That's at least doable...
Anyway, there is a silver lining...with the addition of Met and a drug called clomid, I may possibly be able to have children. This is a wonderful wedding present to receive just one month before Rob and I get married. Unfortunately, I will learn over the next 10 years that miscarriage rates for us Pcos'ers are higher than norm. I will have three with the last being just 3 months ago. Each loss has taken a little part of my heart away. It never gets easier, only harder. But I am greatly blessed with three wonderful children, two boys through Met, clomid, ovidrel and IUI and one beautiful girl through Adoption. Aren't they just gorgeous?
As I said, as recently as March, I lost a baby. It was a miracle baby to me, conceived without medical help and a result, I believe of trying to alter my hormone levels wholelistically. I had being reading a book called "The Hormone Diet." In it the author suggests (among many things) that sleep has a great impact on our hormones. The book was heavy with drastic life changes for me and major information overload... I needed to start small.
I changed my room from sleeping with the tv on (I like to fall asleep this way) to a totally dark room (yay for sleep timers on tvs!) and also adding a specific multi-vitamin that had some of the vitamins that I may be low on (she had tests in the book I took)....magnesium, vitamin D, selenium, chromium... something about those could help my insulin resistance.
I was game, and I tried it. What did I have to lose? And I did feel better after sleeping in darkness (who knew?!) And low and behold, on my 42nd birthday in Feb, I felt wierd and took a test. I was shocked to see a positive staring up at me. I was equally shocked when less than a month later, my RE told me there was no hope. Despite hcg levels of over 66,000, the baby was no more.
To add insult to injury, I had an incomplete miscarriage at home (48 hours of terriblly painful labor in what was I think around 12 weeks). Once the contractions stopped, I continued to bleed until being forced to go to the ER which confirmed(via ultrasound) I wasn't done. There was more in there. I was sent home without a transfusion, a hemoglobin level of 5 or 7 (we still don't remember which) and told to follow up with my RE and to take lots of iron. The next day, my body took care of itself, expelling the last of the pregnancy and I finally stopped bleeding. I was so weak, I couldn't walk without assistance, or do stairs or do anything to take care of my family. I was on bedrest for weeks until I could get stronger. I gained 15 pounds landing me at an all time (non-pregnant) high of 208 lbs. Nothing fit but my maternity clothes. I was too embarassed and depressed to go out. I felt trapped in what I often refer to as my broken body.
Wheh! I think that's enough sadness and sickness for one day, don't you. But I don't want to end this first post on a sad note. So I will post one more picture of me taken last Saturday (17 lbs lighter I might add) with my three beauties on an afternoon of hiking. I will then continue the tale tomorrow...
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