Good morning all! So where was I..... oh yes, depressed and fat.
This is all still part of the back story so just bear with me.....It was literally one of the hardest times of my life. I cried myself to sleep on a daily basis. To make matters worse, Rob wasn't up for trying again, so not only was I sad about losing my baby, fat from eating poorly and laying around from my low iron count, I was also mourning the loss of any future babies.
What really was making me crazy was that I felt like my husband's body had been taken over by a stranger. He was removed, distant, tired and seemingly unable to express consistent thought. I felt like I was in this alone, and I wanted my best friend back. He was no where to be seen.
Let's back up a little with that. Rob is a fitness and nutrition freak. He loves it. He will rattle on about amino acids and insulin until my eyes glaze over. I like to be a good wife, so I nod my head and try to pay attention, and not think about what I need at the grocery store the next day or what I need to pack in Josh's school bag..
Anyway, around the same time I had tried making changes through the Hormone diet, Rob had stumbled unknowingly onto the Paleo diet. Only to him, he was just eating "stuff that came from the ground, or was alive" as he put it. Mostly meat, vegetable and dairy. Little to no grains, and absolutely nothing processed.
Now processed is not a problem in our house. We simply don't do it. If it has artificial flavors, colors, preservatives, High fructose corn syrup or an ingredient I can't identify, it's simply not allowed. My kids react badly to these things so we phased all that stuff out more than a year ago.
Back to the story. So Christmas comes along, and really, who can resist all those Christmas cookies (made of course with vegetable based food coloring from whole foods) and then Feb comes along and I surprise the family with a trip to Disney World and let's just say yes, the grains had crept their way back into Rob's diet (anyone who's ever have a hot dog at Casey's or a cinammon roll from Main street will understand this.) I find out later that he gains something like 40 pounds in 2 months just from eating grains again (pancakes, bread etc) I'm talking "healthy stuff." With my insulin resistance and diabetes running back generations in my family, you can just bet that we limit sugary treats in our house and teach our kids to eat healthy. Yet still the weight piled on....
Being the researcher and fitness freak he is, (sorry hon, I do love you you know!) he dug deeper. Somehow, he figured out that our youngest sons's gluten intolerance was hereditary which meant he got it either from me or Rob. Ding! Ding! Ding! Rob was indeed the lucky winner. He immediately cut all gluten from his diet and low and behold, my real husband emerged from the stranger's body. My best friend was back we got our life back.
We are guessing that taking out the gluten then reintroducing it in a major way literally wreaked havoc with his body. Looing back, he describes himself as being in a total brain fog, limiting his ability to function. Going gluten free cleared all that, the weight came off, he was mentally sharp and as he put it, felt completely great. His energy also went through the roof. And he was willing to give me my dream of a big family.
So of course, since then, he's tried to convince me that I am gluten intolerant as well. I wasn't buying it. He kept trying, and I kept ignoring. I would never go gluten free. Of that I was certain. I just didn't feel the same way he did when I had gluten. I had none of those symptoms, but he was convinced there was a link between my insulin resistance, pcos and Hashimoto's disease (a thryoid disorder that causes hypothyroid - I developed after the birth of my first son. There is no cure, and I must take synthroid the rest of my life).
While all this was going on, I was back to cutting calories, limiting myself to 1488 calories a day (why 1488? An ap on my phone counts calories and that's the number it calculated to reach my goal weight). Over months I lose the pregnancy weight and then stall at 194 - 196. I am back on the fertility roller coaster of hormone tampering clomid, uncomfortable vaginal ultrasounds, BBT temping every morning and a trigger to ovulate - a pregnancy hormone shot I give myself in the stomach to force an egg to release. Truly, an emotional nightmare that I am forced to endure because of my insulin resistance and pcos. The first cycle is a bust with a "bfn." To you not TTC (trying to concieve) that's a big fat negative on a home pregnancy test. Again, I cry on Rob's shoulder. I put on a happy face for my little family through the weekend, but inside, I am crying.
Monday rolls around and I am just trying to pick myself up and pull it together for my family. So he says to me, you know, I know this sounds crazy, but there are some studies out there that Paleo has some great success with fertility. I am so desperate for any answer that that's all I need to hear...no nagging about gluten and hashimoto's or inflammation, (Another thing he 's been going on and on about). All he has to do is dangle that fat juicy carrot in front of me: "You may get pregnant."
I was in.
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