Getting through the holidays

Well, let's face it. Getting through the holidays weight intact can be a challenge. I am facing that now.

It all started with the trip to Disney of course, for the wedding. I *could* be a stinker and blame it on my sister's wedding...yep, it's all her fault. Ha ha ha She was beautiful though, wasn't she? Despite being a "saboteur" and all ...




Just joking. It's not her fault. We go once or twice a year as we own Disney Vacation Club, a very flexible kind of time share. We love it, the kids love it.....my waist line? mmm, not so much.

As many of you know, I worked hard and my goal was to get to 175 for the wedding. Despite many plateaus and hurdles, I got really close, within half a pound. I still looked chunky, but much better than if I had been 208, right?!


As I mentioned, I did not splurge anywhere near as much as I thought I would. I went fully prepared to give myself the entire week off. But my cravings and desires for the rich, sugary carbs were simply not there. I did have several indulgences, but they were not what I expected. My big splurge? All you can eat seafood buffet at the Cape May Cafe. But binging on crab legs simply does not affect you the same way cupcakes and cookies do.

But it's a dangerous time of the year to fall off the wagon, even if at the time it was just a gentle drop. We come home only to face Halloween and aisles upon aisles of Halloween candy. Add to that my spiral into depression and as I mentioned in previous posts, I ate my way through all the chocolate in the house with the delusional idea that it would numb the pain.

I did pull it together, only to be faced with Thanksgiving. We have two options every year. We either travel half way across PA where *all* of Rob's family gathers or we go to my parents. This year, with the arrival of deal SIL's darling son, I was just not up to traveling away. The ooh's and ah's over darling little M.A. would have just been too painful, too much a reminder of what I was missing and wanting. Despite missing it last year, I requested we stay local and thankfully, no pun intended, Rob did not mind. My mom is doing so badly these days, it's just as well the kids get to spend time with their grammy while they can. I can't imagine she can continue much longer in the shape she's in.

It was somewhat challenging to get through our first completely gluten free Thanksgiving. It really was not too too terribly paleo, but we did not do badly. I did figure out how to make GF stuffing with smaller amounts of GF bread and more heavy on the root vegetables and sausage. And we found GF mushroom soup at Whole Foods and made our own fried onions for the green bean casserole. We opted for mashed sweet potatoes instead of white... and I made spiced apples and my own cranberry sauce with orange peel and apples and spices. It was yummy and we ate the leftovers for days. Left over turkey? Very paleo....I loved having that much cooked meat in the house! Again, easier to get back on the wagon, as it were... Eating regular paleo meals cut the cravings at least somewhat.

I didn't, however, go near the scale. I simply lived in a world of denial. I did *NOT* want to know. Life was tough enough emotionally....i did not think I could handle one more thing in the negative side of the column these days...

That changed this week, wether I was ready or not. I've been plagued with some illnesses this last month and was finally forced to go to the dr, which unfortunately means I was forced to weigh myself. I closed my eyes, held my breath and then slowly opened them.

179.

Now, some people would be crushed at a 4 pound weight gain, I on the other hand was estatic! For me, I could go Hershey Park for the day and come home 6 pounds heavier... a vacation could easily pack on 10 - 12 pounds in a weeks time. So here I am, with 2 months of the slippery slope under my belt and I've only gained 4 pounds? Yeah, I'll take it!

Now I really have pulled it together, so perhaps I gained more and have already started losing it. Who knows, don't care. As long as I can get back to 175 and then continue my quest.

So back to the original question - How am I going to get through the holidays? By asking myself three simple questions....

First, how does it feel to be wearing the clothes I am wearing? I hate trying to find pretty holiday clothes in my closet when I am fat. Who wants to put a basic black dress on with lumps and bumps showing through? How can you enjoy a dinner *you* didn't have to cook when you can't breathe through your girdle type undergarments? Not fun. It will be nice this year, to wear my clothes so much more comfortably and better yet, no confining undergarments!

Secondly, and this worked for me last night. Rob was out and I had to put the kids to bed myself. As I am getting everyone through brushing teeth and all those night time rituals, I realized my three year old, having already been tucked in, had taken the contents of the humidifier and dumped it all over the hard wood floor, his carpet, bed, himself etc... Add to this two misbehaving older kids, and I was a crazy woman. I went right downstairs and for the hidden Christmas candy stash.

I sat down on my bed, fully prepared to eat the whole bag and a voice went off in my head.... what will this do to your insulin resistance? And when you mess up your IR so badly your body works even worse than it has been, what will that do to make you pregnant, or really prevent you from getting pregnant? The time is running out. My eggs are getting older by the second. Eating that chocolate would make me feel better for the 3 minutes it would take me to eat it. I will have added all that sugar to my already taxed body and then what? I would still feel stressed. Only now I would feel guilty and self loathing to boot. So I put it back without eating a single piece, and then went up to the kitchen to get something healthy. (I skipped dinner because I of the nausea, more on that later). You know what? Making the right choice actually made me not only feel better, but eased some of the stress I had been feeling.

well whatdoyaknow.....

Anyway, finally, I always have to keep that number one motivation right there in front, the reason I am doing all this. As I saw my mom's quickly dwindling health up front and personal last week, watched her not even be able to get through dinner without having to stop and nap, watch as my dad tears up at the thought of losing his lifetime lover and friend.... I have to ask myself. What do I want for myself, and for these beautiful kids and husband of mine?


Diabetes may be lurking in the shadows like the ghosts of Christmas future, but like Scrooge, I have choices. Death will get me in the end, but not without me kicking and fighting before I go down.

So I challenge those of you out there who are facing the same thing. You may not eat because you are stressed (and if not what planet do you come from?), you may eat because you don't want to be rude to your hostess, or simply because it's there. Maybe it's not even eating that causes your ill health, but some other behavior or choice...

Whatever it is, sit down now, before the parties start this weekend and find your motivators...Are you trying to get pregnant? be more healthy? get rid of your insulin resistance or keep your pcos in check? Or simply beat the genetics you were born with? Whatever it is, what will help you stay in control?

It's food for thought anyway.