Stress and staying on program

So I'm sure I've mentioned once or twice I'm trying to conquer my issues of emotional eating.  I tend to eat when I am stressed, worried, angry or frustrated...

I'm sure you can understand with watching  my mom suffer as badly as she did, making the decision to let her go and her ensuing death falls into this category of "stress."

Actually, while spending so much time at the hospital, I was pretty close to staying on program.  I mean, there were few gluten free options at the hospital cafeteria and in particular, most of the "temptation" items certainly contained gluten.  And certainly, toward the end, when my mother was allowed little to no food, I certainly wasn't going to eat an ice cream in front of her. So while the candy machines and cafeteria offered plenty of sugary temptations, I resisted, and pretty easily.  I got used to going long hours without eating or drinking (towards the end, Mom was so very scared and wanted us there close, holding her hand. It got to be so we did without)

So actually, while I gained a shameful amount of weight over the holidays, thanks to my "hospital diet" I really am not too far off.  If  you recall, I had gotten down to 175.5.  I am now 185.  So really only 10 pounds to go to get back where I was.  That doesn't sound so bad....

But if you also recall, losing 10 pounds is also very difficult process for me.  It could take as long as 2 or 3 months of hard calorie counting and/or exercise to take that off (thank you pcos!).

I'm trying to look at myself and my motivations...when exactly do I get that craving, you know the one, not just the "i have a taste for something sweet" craving. Nope, that I can handle with a little will power.  No, I'm talking about the "Oh my gosh if I don't get something sweet right now I might explode!" craving...

That's the one I can't resist.  No, that's not accurate.   I think it's not that I can't resist...it's more that I don't think about what I'm doing.  It just kind of.... happens.

After the kids have been fighting
When I'm tired and I have a mountain of laundry
When the elementary school is giving me grief  again (Man I hate that school)
When I get another negative home pregnancy test
and oh yeah..when my mom dies

Those moments hit and I'm so full of emotion, I don't even think, I just do. There is no process of temptation/decision making/action.  I just do.  That just can't be good for me.  It certainly hasn't been good for my not so little hiney that needs to fit into a swimsuit soon.

So my goal is to come up with some coping methods.  What to do (and not to do) when the kids are screaming at each other, all three fighting over the single beanie baby seahorse there's only one of, and all those little life moments that get the best of me.

It's to not have my cake and eat it too.