As you can see by the title, yesterday was a busy and let's be honest, scary day. Bloodwork and ultrasound were no big deal. I bet after 10 years of trying to have babies I've had at least 100 of each. Those turned out fine and yielded us good news. My estrogen was great, as was my progesterone... my system was "dimmed" as they put it, so I could stop the bcps (i had been on them 10 days total) and get ready to start the injectible drugs soon.
It was the after that, that had me so nervous. All the reports I had found online were scary. "Excruciating" "painful" "lasted forever" were just some of the keys phrases skyrocketing my blood pressure from it's healthy normal of 120/60 to a crazy high of 160/90 (um...the last time it was that high, they admitted me into the hospital and performed a c-section 20 minutes later!)
I have to stop and give kudos to my Dr. If you are in the philadelphia area, and are looking for a great RE - check out Dr. B. Gocial. He's amazing. He's never made me feel dumb for asking silly questions or being scared or anxious, and when you have bad news like a loss (or two) he is gentle and sympathetic.
So while I was shaking and on the verge of tears, he literally stops and touches my arm and says, "What exactly is scaring you?" in the most concerned tone. I flat out said, I was scared it would hurt, and I was scared he would find bad news and say "Sorry, game over, your uterus is a mess!"
He was very honest with me, described to process and indicated the discomfort wouldn't be bad, just talked about the cramping. Then he said, he's seen my uterus on ultrasound enough to know there probably really wasn't a problem. That he wouldn't even order it except we were doing an IVF and they just want to be sure.
I can hardly fault that logic. Yes, before I spend $25,000, I'd like to be sure too, that there's at least a chance!
So while I was still terrified, it helped to know my Dr. was sympathetic to my concerns. So I left the office and went to the adjoining surgical suite to wait my turn. Turned out, there were a lot of women "ready" so I had to wait while they performed FIVE retrievals! yikes, that's a lot of eggs!
My friend, "A" had said really the worst part about it was the "uncomfortably full" bladder you need to go with. OMG she was so right! That really was the worst part. I mean, how much do you actually have to drink to be "uncomfortably full?" I didn't want to not drink enough, and then they couldn't do it, but I've always been a bit of a camel, not needing to go to the bathroom too often. So I drank a glass of water when I awoke, a glass with breakfast, and grabbed a 24 ounce cup of decaf to drink on the way.
My eyes were yellow I was so "uncomfortably full."
And did I mention they were running behind schedule? Yikes! But finally it was my turn. The nurse was thankfully, very kind. I was led to a changing room with lockers. They had me change into a surgical gown, hair cover and footy socks (I love those socks with the little grippy things on the bottom... I had to contain myself from searching the cabinets to take home a stash of them). I locked my clothes, purse and phone in a locker and went out into the hallway.
The nurse greeted me almost immediately and led me back to a large room divided into three sections made into private rooms by hospital curtains. Instead of a bed was a large recliner chair covered in surgical pads. I took a seat, and they immediately gave me a warmed blanket to cover my legs. They went over my post-op instructions which was basically "go home, you're done" and then the, Dr. G checked on me once more.
In a few minutes they walked me into the OR. I took a seat on the table which is just a glammed up version of what's in the exam rooms. But the stirrups were much more robust and padded. And then it was time.
They did the mock transfer first. He inserted a speculum joking about how they haven't redesigned those things in 150 years. No kidding! I, like I'm sure most, really hate those things.... Do they have to be so heavy? Every time they put one in, I feel like it's pulling me down. I'm waiting for the day it does eventually fall out, pulling all my girly bits out with it....
Anyway, next was the insertion of the catheter. The only hard part about that was the nurse pushing down on my belly (read "uncomfortably full" bladder here) with the ultrasound device while he did the mock. It was over in about a minute, seriously. Felt much better when they were done pushing on the pee bag.
Next was the hysteroscopy. Huge deep breaths. I have a history of panic attacks, and I felt one coming on. My husband taught me to breath big deep breaths when this happens, and so that's what I did, and focused on relaxing. But really, it honestly was nothing. I felt some minor cramping, but honestly the HSG I had done 5 years ago pre-Noah, was much much worse. It was a little gross after, as the saline dripped out but it was done. And again, it took like maybe a minute or two at the most?
They did say I could spot so it was a little embarrassing when they asked me to scrunch the big paper covers between my legs and walk down the hallway to the bathroom. I prayed the husbands of other patients were all ensconced quietly behind the little curtains and they were.
And I was done. I went across the hall back to the changing room, got dressed and left. All that worrying for nothing. I wonder if the difference between those that had so much pain was that they hadn't had children before? I had been reading a blog where the woman said for her first child, it was excruciating, but the second one was nothing. I don't know, but it sounds like a good theory, anyway.
I was incredibly exhausted getting home, but I'm sure that's more about the emotional energy output and the lack of sleep from the night before. I did experience some cramping but it was closer to late afternoon. Nothing I couldn't stand, but let's just say I curled up on the couch and let DH make dinner for a change.
So that's it for cycle day 13. Tomorrow is the quest for drugs.
One final note, in all the blogs I found describing this experience, it was from the point of view of donor/adopted embryos. Just want to clarify that this will be a different process because we will be using my own eggs. So the drugs will be different as I prepare for the ER - egg retrieval.
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